Why Can't We See God?

Today, my Lydia asked, “Mama, why can’t we see God?  She’s three and half. 

I remember back to what was the worst night, maybe even worse than finding out our son had a brain tumor, the night that he was in writhing pain after his surgery.  You can look at our blog, http://jeremiahsbiggestfight.blogspot.com/2012/12/from-day-of-fear-turned-joy-to-night-of.html if you want to read the whole story, but the summary is that he was in incredible amounts of pain and was being ignored by the doctors.  I was enraged; more angry than I have ever been in my entire life.  If my heart was broken and torn out before, it had been smashed onto the floor into a million pieces.  My body was shaking uncontrollably, I had no control over my speech, my thoughts, or anything really. 

“Mama, why can’t we see God?”

I was wondering that very thing.  After being told to stay in our sleep room, as I was no longer safe to be upstairs with Andy and Jeremiah, I remember taking a shower and pleading with God, crying out from the primal places of my being.  Our friends Mike and Becky showed up not long after I had gotten out of the shower and into my pajamas. 

(taken from a blog written by Andy)

 If there was one area of God's clear presence in our life during this time, it was in the presence of our amazing friends Mike and Becky Nowak.  After Jamie became enraged in the waiting room, I did not feel that it would be safe for her to be back in Jeremiah's room.  While my wife is one of the most loving caring and people in the world, she is also a mom (and a hockey player) and there was the possibility that our nurse or the fellow would have been the recipient of an enraged mother.  I called Mike and Becky around 11:30 PM and asked if one of them could come, and 40 minutes later they were both here to spend the night with Jamie.

We are so blessed to have amazing friends who will give up so much to care for us.  Mike and Becky - I honestly don't think we would have gotten through that night without being in jail or restricted from this hospital room if it wasn't for you.  You were clearly the peace of Christ in our lives that night in caring for us.

“Mama, why can’t we see God?”

“Babe,” I said, “that is a good question.  You know what?  We can see God.  We see him in other people.  When we love people or they love us, we are seeing God and feeling His love.  When we are kind to people or they are kind to us, we are seeing God.  Does that make sense?”

“Yeah Mom.”

I remember the conversation I had with Becky that night.  I told her I thought Jeremiah was going to die.  I will never forget her face.  She didn’t say anything, but just hugged me.  All the while, she was praying.  Mike ended up leave that night, but Becky stayed with me.  I asked her if she thought God would be okay with me sleeping.  She said, “Jamie that is what I have been praying for.”  Becky then continued to pray over me, starting at my head and working her way down to my feet.  She told me that once she felt that specific part of my body relax, she would go to the next, until I was finally asleep.  I slept a solid 6 hours that night- probably the most sleep I got consecutively the whole time we were in the hospital. 

So my sweet Lydia, this was a very, very dark time in our lives.  But looking back, I can see God was there.  Even in our darkest of dark He was there.  It still hurts to think about that time.  My emotions still run high, my heart beats faster, and I get a pit in my stomach when I re-read the story of that night.  But now I have seen the hope of a new day.  God was faithful.  He showed up in our friends, in our surgeon, in an incredible nurse, and in our souls as we clung to Him.